Volume 2: Inner Dialogue – how do you talk to yourself?

TOM WHITE OWNER OF SAME SAME BUT DIFFERENT HAIRDRESSERS IN WINDSOR MELBOURNELast month I wrote about reality and how the acceptance of reality is a huge step towards inner peace and clarity. I want to take that a step further this month and focus on our INNER DIALOGUE  and what are the contributing factors to it.

Inner Dialogue is that voice in our heads that can ultimately decide how we feel, how we act or react and how we look at things, positively or negatively. Inner Dialogue really decides who we are at any moment in time.

One thing I have always tried to preach is that the opinion you hold of yourself vastly out-ways the opinion held by others. The person staring back at you in the mirror must be someone you love, and this can be very difficult at times for us to do. We have all had moments in our lives, me included, where that person staring back is a fraction of who we want to be or the actions, or lack of action, during that day is less than what we know we are capable of. What we must understand is that this is okay and completely human. The real challenge is accepting we aren’t there yet and having the determination and the consistency in application to keep growing to love ourselves.

What people think of us is relevant. What I mean by that is that most people don’t know who we are or what we stand for. This can be for multiple reasons. Either we haven’t expressed who we are, someone has misinterpreted things we have said or, some people pass judgement on someone based on internal projections or their internal dialog.

Either way their opinion is irrelevant. The only way that opinion can affect you is if you allow it to. If it does affect you, then that suggests you don’t have enough confidence in who you are or you don’t feel comfortable with what you are doing. This isn’t your fault. This could fundamentally be a biproduct of your environment.

Many people will hold onto traumas in life, times that we have been bullied and told we aren’t good enough, I was one of those people. I got bullied at school for being an ‘outsider’. It lasted all the way through my high school life, and it had a profound effect on who I turned into during my 20’s. I listened to all the crap I was told when I was younger and I had built this internal dialog that I wasn’t good enough and used my ego to deflect the internal pain, thus creating a character I was ashamed of because of the lie I was living. That became a vicious cycle that took me years to break. But I broke it, and I broke it by understanding I was good enough, I was capable, and I am strong. I decided one day to not care about what people thought of me, my ambitions, my goals, my ideas….I finally acknowledged the only person who could truly determine the outcome of my days was ME!

So, the question we need to ask ourselves is, how can we change our INNER Dialogue and dispel others’ opinions?

Whichever route you take, and there are multiple, it can/will be painful. Firstly, it’s always good to reflect on the people you are around. The people you are around and closest too can be part of the problem as your ‘herd’ will have a massive contributing factor towards your self-belief and ambition. You must let go of certain relationships that don’t help you within your friendship groups, sometimes you must let go of toxic family members. It’s different for everyone, but a good start point to find solace in yourself is to eliminate the unnecessary judgement around you.

Secondly, and I believe the most powerful, positive affirmations. I do these every morning! I give myself 10 minutes of quiet time before I start my day and love myself. I tell myself I AM UNSTOPPABLE, I AM STRONG, I AM A LEADER. I tell myself these things over and over and over. The more you say them the more your brain creates pathways, the more the brain creates pathways, the more it becomes a belief, the more it becomes a belief the more your INNER Dialogue becomes positive. Use your biology for you, not against you.

Thirdly, reward yourself. Your internal reward system has an almighty effect on your output which, in turn, reaffirms your positive affirmations. When you start believing your affirmations you will start to see the impact on your output, once this happens you need to reward yourself. This allows the brain to connect the output to the feeling of joy that you get from the reward. This is so important for your Inner Dialogue because it confirms the positivity and the love you are feeling for yourself is rewarded with more love. It’s an incredible dopamine hit which becomes addictive, in a good way.

To conclude, if you love yourself, you can love everything else. While it might be the biggest challenge, it is also the most beautiful of outcomes. Be that person you know you can be, block other people’s opinions of you out and become self-aware. I hope this helps anyone who is doubting themselves right now.

As always, if anyone wants to reach out and talk, I am always here to listen and remember, WE ALL SMILE IN THE SAME LANGUAGE.

Much love

Tom